Life is beautiful... at least, I'm pretty sure.

All right world, time to out myself: I suffer from anxiety. Lots. I was diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder about 2 years ago because I started experiencing heart palpitations which are brought on by stress. When I was a youngun', my anxiety issues exhibited themselves in stomach pains. Now it's the heart. I've had a bunch of tests done, and we've determined that the ol' ticker is just fine. While that's good news, it's also a bit frustrating because it means all of these ridiculous palpitations (and the over-all chest tightness that accompanies it) is "just" form stress.

Tonight I was experiencing some of these wonderful symptoms and trying to shop for groceries in a busy supermarket when my BFF called my cell phone. Talking to her was a wonderful distraction from trying to choose which waffles to get my girls for breakfast in the morning, btw. In the course of the phone call I mentioned to her that I'm going through the anxiety stuff for no real reason, and she reminded me that sometimes something EXCITING can also cause anxiety. I knew this, but still--

Grr.

So, today I had my blissfully beautiful second day of school. It's intense, not gonna lie. Lots and LOTS of reading, but I'm reading about things that I'm really excited about and have already gotten some education on in the past. That helps. Eventually I'll have to write a paper about something that I don't really care about, and school'll probably lose a bit of its luster. But for now, I'm loving it.

My "to make it my own" moment for today is reminding myself that having unknown reasons for anxiety is OK. I'm going to keep bringing it to Jesus and trying to learn how to leave this with Him. I'm realizing while I type this that I should maybe even be thankful for the physical symptoms of the anxiety. Lots of people have the same issues but without the physical symptoms, so they aren't reminded that something is very very wrong. When I physically feel like this, it can be a physical reminder that I'm broken and I continually need a Savior. I can live with that.

Student

Starting this week, I become an official student. I use the word "official", because although I make it my aim to study and learn various subjects as often as I can, I will now get to use that effort to eventually, Lord willing, obtain a college degree.

Tuesday marks my first day as a student of Moody Bible Institute through their distance learning program (that's online school, for those who don't know the lingo). Four years of hard work will earn me a Bachelor of Science degree in Biblical Studies.  Do I know what I plan to "do" with such a degree once I have it? Not so much. But I'm hungry. Really, REALLY hungry. The Bible is so deep that I can never come to the bottom of it. Others far smarter than I have studied this book for their lives and never tired. It is living and active-- I'm continually amazed by the different layers and lessons that I learn from digging into the same texts again and again. I see new sides of myself, and more importantly, I learn more of God. His goodness. His mercy. His awesome justice. As I dig further into His Word, it becomes more a part of me, and I know that, in turn, as I apply it to myself, I am becoming more like Jesus.

To anyone in the wide world who reads this-- please pray for me. I am absolutely NERDY excited to launch into learning. I want to know Him more.